SARA FARLEY
The Woman

Sara refuses to talk about herself, so we had to go to a psychic to find out about her. While we wait for Madame Zelda to finish her work on Sara's chart, we'll tell you what we do know.

Nothing. Honest. She just showed up the day of auditions. Some of us remember a flash of light, and we all sort of lost consciousness, and then she appeared. We may have only been out for a minute, but it felt like an hour. When we came to she was just standing there, right on the stage, fully lit by an unknown light source, with the entire script already memorized and ready to perform.

We were all a little afraid of her, frankly. But she was immediately cast in the show. The director frets constantly, fearful that one of us might forget ourselves and mistakenly slight Sara, and suffer the Wrath of Ganyon. When pressed for an explanation as to how she came upon this information, Miss Irwin will only mumble Milton, "Behemoth, biggest born of earth, upheaved His vastness.", take a deep drag off her cigarette, and say nothing more on the subject.

One stagehand reported that he was accosted a few nights ago, in the dark alley behind the theatre, by a robed figure who resembled Leonard Nimoy. The mysterious advisor whispered warnings about banking fraud and crop circles.

Shortly thereafter, the Spare Parts treasurer noted that the theatre's coffers were drained dry, and that a substantial donation had been made to the Ganyon's Thesbian Defense Fund located at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Sara's name. He has no explanation for how this happened and insists, instead, on blaming it on the permanent memory loss that we've all suffered since Sara's "arrival".

And more recently, two Spare Parts members, who work as landscapers on weekends, were abruptly fired from their jobs for commandeering two Toro riding lawnmowers and carving so-called "crop circles" into several customers' back yards. Rumor has it that, as they were lead away by police, they repeatedly shouted "All Hail Sara" and demanded to be taken to a Portal so that they could contact their attorneys.

Visitors to their cells have reported that the two have spent their jail time carving pointy-earred figures into their cell walls and exclaiming that the part we were REALLY casting for, the day Sara appeared, was actually the female lead in David Mamet's "Speed the Plow".

During rehearsals some of the cast members have taken to wearing aluminum hats on their heads, to prevent Sara from reading their minds. They say that she can summon intergalactic warrior actors to replace them at the snap of her fingers, should they displease her by thinking impure thoughts.

If you run into her before, during or after the show, please speak softly, make no sudden movements and cast your eyes downward, otherwise you risk instant teleportation through a vortex that puts you in the middle of a high school production of "Waiting for Godot", somewhere in the Eta Carina Nebula, where they really do "Eat Your Heart Out".

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