|
SARA
FARLEY
The Woman
Sara
refuses to talk about herself, so we had to go
to a psychic to find out about her. While we wait
for Madame Zelda to finish her work on Sara's
chart, we'll tell you what we do know.
Nothing.
Honest. She just showed up the day of auditions.
Some of us remember a flash of light, and we all
sort of lost consciousness, and then she appeared.
We may have only been out for a minute, but it
felt like an hour. When we came to she was just
standing there, right on the stage, fully lit
by an unknown light source, with the entire script
already memorized and ready to perform.
We
were all a little afraid of her, frankly. But
she was immediately cast in the show. The director
frets constantly, fearful that one of us might
forget ourselves and mistakenly slight Sara, and
suffer the Wrath of Ganyon. When pressed for an
explanation as to how she came upon this information,
Miss Irwin will only mumble Milton, "Behemoth,
biggest born of earth, upheaved His vastness.",
take a deep drag off her cigarette, and say nothing
more on the subject.
One
stagehand reported that he was accosted a few
nights ago, in the dark alley behind the theatre,
by a robed figure who resembled Leonard Nimoy.
The mysterious advisor whispered warnings about
banking fraud and crop circles.
Shortly
thereafter, the Spare Parts treasurer noted that
the theatre's coffers were drained dry, and that
a substantial donation had been made to the Ganyon's
Thesbian Defense Fund located at NASA's Jet Propulsion
Laboratory in Sara's name. He has no explanation
for how this happened and insists, instead, on
blaming it on the permanent memory loss that we've
all suffered since Sara's "arrival".
And
more recently, two Spare Parts members, who work
as landscapers on weekends, were abruptly fired
from their jobs for commandeering two Toro riding
lawnmowers and carving so-called "crop circles"
into several customers' back yards. Rumor has
it that, as they were lead away by police, they
repeatedly shouted "All Hail Sara" and
demanded to be taken to a Portal so that they
could contact their attorneys.
Visitors
to their cells have reported that the two have
spent their jail time carving pointy-earred figures
into their cell walls and exclaiming that the
part we were REALLY casting for, the day Sara
appeared, was actually the female lead in David
Mamet's "Speed the Plow".
During
rehearsals some of the cast members have taken
to wearing aluminum hats on their heads, to prevent
Sara from reading their minds. They say that she
can summon intergalactic warrior actors to replace
them at the snap of her fingers, should they displease
her by thinking impure thoughts.
If
you run into her before, during or after the show,
please speak softly, make no sudden movements
and cast your eyes downward, otherwise you risk
instant teleportation through a vortex that puts
you in the middle of a high school production
of "Waiting for Godot", somewhere in
the Eta Carina Nebula, where they really do "Eat
Your Heart Out".
BACK
TO MAIN BIO PAGE
BACK
TO MAIN ARCHIVE PAGE
SEE
THE TRIPPY GROUP SHOT
BACK
TO TOP
PRINTER
FRIENDLY VERSION
|
