Jill Sellers (Ellie)

(Editor's Note: we received the following note from Jill, or more accurately, her captors. It was shoved under the office door and written on a cocktail napkin with lipstick...our lawyers have instructed us to withhold any comments, and if anybody asks, just tell them that we've been here since 8:30 PM.)

Help! Help! Please somebody help me! As you are reading this, they have me bound and gagged in the theater basement. They told me if I write this bio and behave, then later I'll get to have a bag of airplane peanuts, a shot of tequila and a fresh pair of underwear. I finally complied after they repeatedly played a video tape of Brandon, wearing a thong and a pointed, double AA bra, singing "Like A Virgin".

So, here I go. Interesting stuff about me? I guess it all started when I would steal my parents video camera and....no...wait. ummmm I'll start with the Gloucester County Summer Drama Workshop. There I met and befriended the most talented, intelligent and wonderful people in the world. (Although I don't know where any of them are right now, they won't return my calls). I participated in various shows that finally led up to a lead role in "Godspell". And I didn't even have to cry, stamp my feet or have my father bribe the director!

After numerous singing coaches and hours upon hours of lessons from my talented stepfather, things started looking up. I landed the role of Sarah Brown in "Guys and Dolls", and Nora in "Brighton Beach Memoirs". Not to mention other roles throughout the South Jersey area and, well, yes, Dinner Theater.

Stupidly, I fell for a Spare Part Talent Contest scheme, where I was lead to believe that I had won first prize (a 57" Sony Plasma TV, really, in retrospect, I should have known) and when I came to the theater to collect my prize, they pounced. Through the hood, I heard muffled cries of "we got her! we got her! to the basement!! we finally have a talented female lead!" and other comments too garbled to understand.

Once imprisoned, they forced me to perform in the typecast role of the large-breasted, blonde, bombshell nurse in "The Sunshine Boys". That was followed by the role of Lorraine Sheldon in "The Man Who Came To Dinner". It's a bit of a blur, the show after that. Something about me having a Haitian nanny, and money, and there was a gun and a lightening storm. But that was right around the time that they stopped giving me my Ritalin, so I can't be sure. But soon after that glowing success, (whatever it was) other shows followed which finally led up to the part of Ellie in "All This And Moonlight".

And after all the auditioning and studying and bus trips to New York, after the film and acting schools and commercial work and work as an extra, I'm STILL living with my parents! So if there is anyone out there who has the funds to pay the ransom to my sick and twisted captors, please, PLEASE, Pay The Price and HELP ME GET OUT OF HERE! After all, I've got an audition in NYC tomorrow morning!